This past year and a half has been quite the roller coaster ride. I’ve grappled with the decision to quit my job for over a year and finally mustered up the courage to do it. And let me just tell you – it was absolutely LIBERATING.
My birthday is just around the corner and I remember this time last year fairly well. I wasn’t happy, I’d been struggling with my job for quite some time and was having a pretty strong internal battle with myself about what the heck I was going to do with my life. 2016 was one of the most challenging years I’ve gone through, and that’s saying a lot. So, the day of my birthday I made a decision to find my truth, knowing that the life I was currently living just wasn’t it (I know that probably sounds cheesy but just go with it ;)). Then, around new year, I was finally starting to see things from a different perspective. I had this overwhelming feeling of knowing that I was meant for a different life, a better life than the one I was currently living. I don’t want that to seem as though I’m ungrateful, because that’s not it. I truly feel grateful for everything I have and have achieved up until this point. But I also don’t want that perspective to foster complacency, instead of continuing to push myself to live the life I really want and imagine for myself. To me, that’s as simple as being your true self, in every sense. Following your dreams and just going for it, no matter how crazy it (or you) may feel.
So, let’s take a step back, shall we? To the age of 14 years old when I got my first job. I started working part-time after school until college, when I started working and going to school full-time in order to fund my education. After graduation, I immediately got a corporate job in PR in NYC, where I lived and worked for a year and a half. I’ve since worked at two other agencies in MI and NC, both of which were great experiences.
Needless to say, I’ve always had a job. Not having a job, especially at my age now, is a scary thought. But throughout this last year, I’ve asked myself one consistent question – ‘what the heck are you doing?’ And the truth was and still is – I have no idea. I have no idea what I’m doing! I just want something different. A life that is unique to me. How do you get that? How are you supposed to know what your purpose is and how to fulfill it? How are you supposed to know what will make you happy? How do you know when to take a leap, when the leap feels like it’s in no direction at all? I mean, it’s GOTTA get easier, right?
Wrong. I grappled with the decision to quit my job right up until the day I put my notice in. I think I was anticipating having some earth-shattering epiphany that was going to definitively tell me what I should do and what next steps to take. Most of the time, that doesn’t happen. You just have to have faith in not only yourself, but in that feeling of knowing it’s what you’re meant to do. Trust that the universe will toss you a bone once the deed is done. To me, that was the hardest part – hence the year and a half of wish-washy, back and forth struggling.
But at the end of the day I know this: I don’t want a normal life. I don’t want ordinary or regular and I definitely don’t want just ok or fine. I don’t even want good or acceptable. I want freaking fabulous. I want that feeling of – this is EXACTLY the life that I am meant to live. I want to live my life on purpose. I want to feel present, connected, fulfilled, and lucky to have and to live the life that I’m living. I want to be me. Inexplicably, unapologetically, me.
So, I’ll end the post with this: while confidence is important for success, humility is necessary for happiness. I’m not saying that I will never struggle again or that it’s going to be smooth sailing from here on out, because I know it’s not. And to be honest, life hasn’t been easy since I’ve quit but I still know it was the right decision. I continue to remain grateful that I’ve gained some insight, and feel beyond blessed to attempt to fulfill this dreamy life I’ve always imagined for myself. I don’t know what this next journey will hold but I’m certain it’s a necessary piece to a much larger purpose.